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mental yum yums

We ask stupid questions, we get stupid answers. Okay... maybe all we've got is the capacity to rip off other people's slogans, but we do it with style damn it! Everyday us II stix goons will take time out of our busy schedule to answer your questions so you can sleep better at night. We know you'd only ask questions dear to your heart, and that's why we care.

Please remember that our answers make absolutely no sense at all, and are purely for entertainment value only. If you're going to start taking our advice, you're better off just jumping off a bridge.

Represent by submitting your questions to us.

Represent

Do you think your life could make for a decent reality show? What would you add to make it a better show?
Submitted by Tenjay

MikeMike Legal Assasin
No, not that interesting. Not unless I was going to do somehing insane like, train to become UFC heavyweight champ. but, I think hot nympomanic bisexual ladies in my life would make it more interesting.

JuneJune Miss Thang
probably not, but then again nothing happened on the hills except gossip and long stares, and for some reason i watched it for more than a whole season. it might be more interesting if i were single, but i am happy not dealing with drama and insecurities anymore.

JayJay Marketing Geek
A show based on the life of an office monkey who moonlights as a do-gooding volunteer and part-time column contributor? That's comedy gold! Who wouldn't want to watch that?

Have you given or considered giving money to your alma mater? What would get you to if you haven't in the past?
Submitted by Tenjay

KiKi Big Cheese
Nope. I don't think I got my monies worth... so I don't see the point of giving them anymore.

JuneJune Miss Thang
at ~$40k per year, i think i am done giving my alma mater any money. although i'll still be paying off my student loans for at least a few more years...

MikeMike Legal Assasin
I do give money annually to my alma mater. However the amount I give depends on how much asshattery appears in the news about my alma mater. Frat boys tear up a hotel and it makes the national news? Less money. You get out Nobel Prize winning biochemist back? More money. I am a Buffalo, and very proud alumnus of the University of Colorado. Fuck 'em up, fuck 'em up, Go CU!! (Yeah, that's our real school chant.)

Do girls get more sluttier as each generation or decade passes?
Submitted by Tenjay

KiKi Big Cheese
I think this represents good example of our society and how it evolves. Seems like with each new generation, everything has to be bigger, faster, shinier, more provocative, and more extreme. Sad thing is sluttier is not necessarily better. Often times it's not sexy nor classy... just cheap. Wait... did I just say that? Man, I'm getting old.

JuneJune Miss Thang
more sluttier? easy with the double superlatives, there. this is a pretty hard question to answer, especially since the first woman was naked all the time... does that mean we're going to come full circle?

MikeMike Legal Assasin
25 year old me would have been thrilled that girls got sluttier but still remained 18. 33 year old me says "Put on some clothes.". Women are sexy, slutty little girls are dull and too easy.

Why do white people smell so bad? This leads to my next question, why do Asians from Asia don't use deodorant?
Submitted by adam won

MikeMike Legal Assasin
Well, genetically, white people have certain glands which excrete oil, casuing BO, that Asians do not have and do not develop even with onset of puberty. Asians from Asia don't use deodorant because, well, have you even smelled an Asian city? Open sewage systems kinda mask all the personal funk.

JuneJune Miss Thang
i don't know if white people smell bad as a whole, but europeans definitely seem to be more potent than the rest... i think it has to do something with the amount of sweat glands/hair follicles they have. as for asians from asia, i think it's just so crowded there that they've just given up the cause.

JayJay Marketing Geek
My guess is diet. The term "you are what you eat" comes to mind. Which begs the question, does one smell like rotten ass if they eat durian a lot?

Do you think you've reached or will ever reach a point where you will not be drunk again in your life? By drunk, I don't mean buzzed, but hangover inducing and throwing up drunk. Why or why not?
Submitted by Tenjay

KiKi Big Cheese
Never. There are certain things men do in their life that they never grow out of... such as eating too much, driving too fast, watching too much porn and drinking too much.

JayJay Marketing Geek
In all seriousness no I don't think I'll get that drunk. I'd probably get stoned more than drunk although there's a slim chance I'd do either.

MikeMike Legal Assasin
No. There is nothing out there that will keep me from getting drunk. Despite some rather painful moments in college. However, after many years of working as a bartender/bouncer, I've seen too many moments that will ever keep me from being a douchbag in public. Don't be a douchbag kids. This is from Uncle Mike, who nearly got stabbed by a drunk, Saudi douchbag last weekend.

What is the stripper smell?
Submitted by Jay99

KiKi Big Cheese
Baby lotion, some sugary body spray, some floral based perfume... or some combination of listed items.

JuneJune Miss Thang
the ones at spearmint rhino in vegas smelled like hawaiian tropic.

MikeMike Legal Assasin
I have no idea. And quite frankly, I'm disturbed that you want to know. But, I suppose, if you need and answer... Go home, put glitter, coconut smelling lotion, stale cig smoke on a pillow, and rub some well worn dollars bills on it, there you go. Sweet dreams.

I want to change my surname to my original surname of "Wong". The mistake is due to an immigration error ages ago. is this a good idea. BTW, my family does get Corean mail from time to time.
Submitted by adam won

KiKi Big Cheese
Being true to yourself is always a good idea. Just be glad you ended up with "won" instead of "Juan". Then your family would get Mexican mail from time to time.

JuneJune Miss Thang
i think it's a pretty good idea, it's always good to stay true to your roots. i don't know how much confusion/logistical mess this will cause for any legal documents/IDs/etc, but if you're up for it, go for it!

MikeMike Legal Assasin
I got a letter from the government the other day. I opened and read it, it said they were suckers. Yeah, if you wanna change it, change it. The government wanted to change my name to Henry or Harold. But I suppose that was better than Private Cho, ROK Army.

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