I often catch my man watching porn on his computer. Its not that I have a HUGE problem with him watching Porn. I used to watch it a lot and he knows this. Its one of the things we ‘bonded’ on in our talks about sex… But since we’ve been living together things have changed… I think I’d feel better about his porn watching if:

1.) when I do catch him, he’s not in a panic to shut down all the web browsers in an attempt to hide that he was watching it. (This makes me wonder just WHAT type of porn he’s watching nowadays.-- SCARY THOUGHTS RUN THRU MY HEAD )—just TALK to me…

And 2.)Ok, The fact that the few times I actually catch the porn on the screen-- before he’s had a chance to shut down the web browser or media player-- it involves these anorexic white women. And yes, it does bother me that in his ‘fantasy world’ THESE are the type of women that he’s attracted to, yet I’m not that type at all…

Am I wrong to WANT him to discuss sex and porn and all that good stuff to me rather than hide it from me? What do you think?

I am a VERY VERY sexual person. And I don’t hide things from him-- least of all my about my sexual needs. And maybe this is all a trust issue, maybe he just DOESN’T trust me… maybe he doesn’t know how to communicate to me [he’d better learn] but don’t you men want to be in a sexual relationship with a woman who’s VERY sexually accommodating, and bold in bed, not to mention comfortable fulfilling sexual requests? Yet, when I ask him what fantasies he wants to fulfill, he tells me he"has none”. [ Where I have tons.] How can I make him feel more comfortable if he won’t talk about sexual fantasies and fulfillment… I just don’t get it… sometimes I think that he was more sexually uninhibited BEFORE we got serious and shacked up… and now… its like he’s a stranger in my bed…

Is this a typical Asian guy thing? I know the type of households you men grow up in and I know from personal experience that sex isn’t really ‘discussed’… could this be the cause… where he feels like he has to hide it from me, rather than make it a couple thing we can do together?

I know a lot of you guys might not be in a serious relationship, but if you compare life before and after ‘settling down’, shouldn’t your sex life improve, not worsen?

Perhaps his fantasies doesn’t involve you so he doesn’t feel comfortable discussing it? Or maybe he think it’s too kinky? Or maybe he think you will freak out?

I think best way to get him to open up is to tell him your fantasies first. If he realizes how much of a freak you still are, maybe he won’t be as ashamed to share his with you.

not to be a downer… but i would be worried if i “often” caught my bf watching porn. but i guess the dynamics of each relationship are different…

relax. he sounds like a normal guy to me. it’s just a fantasyworld on the computer screen. would you rather he be looking at anorexic white MEN instead? maybe surprise him sometime and put on a blonde wig. enjoy

he’s trying to hide what he’s watching to AVOID talking about it
why can’t a guy just watch porn to watch it?
doesn’t mean he’s reclusive or there’s any underlying reason to doing it

i say try showing him some porn that you’ve seen and watch it together

June - 23 February 2008 06:02 PM

not to be a downer… but i would be worried if i “often” caught my bf watching porn. but i guess the dynamics of each relationship are different…

Hey June,
Just curious. Why would you be worried? Is it because its not a good ‘sign’ that he’s watching other women?

Dear Sweetxthai,

We still await you photo.

IIStix Ninja Clan

sparklehorse26 - 24 February 2008 07:49 PM

June - 23 February 2008 06:02 PM

not to be a downer… but i would be worried if i “often” caught my bf watching porn. but i guess the dynamics of each relationship are different…

Hey June,
Just curious. Why would you be worried? Is it because its not a good ‘sign’ that he’s watching other women?

well like i said i guess it depends on each relationship bc theyre all different, but personally my bf doesn’t watch porn that often, so if i caught him often enough to say i’ve caught him “often” then it would be a red flag for me. especially the fact that i caught him bc that tells me that he felt the specific need to hide it from me. i know guys watch porn and the kind of women that are featured really don’t say anything about how the guy feels about their gf, but i’d be worried esp if i felt like the frequency of porn watching increased and if i felt like he was trying more and more to hide it. but again, if someone else’s bf watches porn pretty often and on a regular basis then maybe it’s not that weird. i dunno. it’s a case-by-case.

If you live with your bf, I’d be a bit more worried that he’s watching porn this frequently.

Then again, speaking with what June said, maybe it really is case-by-case.

And chances are, if I guy COULD escalate the kink, he’d probably be pretty open to suggestions.

no, you’re not wrong for wanting to discuss sex and porn, but if he clearly doesn’t want to and you keep pressing the issue, the more he’s going to hide and not want to open up. if you’ve let him know that his watching it is ok and that you’d like to share the experience with him, then leave it at that and let him approach you with it. most likely, it’s just regular porn viewing and has nothing to do with you and your sexuality.

if you guys aren’t having sex at all or are having it rarely, maybe there is an issue there that you need to explore; otherwise, it’s probably just the normal waxing and waning of sex in a relationship.

next time you two get down, tell him you want to make him feel like a porn star and see where he takes it.

i watched some porn with my gf and it was a strange experience.

his ideal sexual partner is white anorexic women, and thats not you.  He doesn’t want to share because nothing good can come from it, it’ll only make you feel bad.  It’s not an issue where if you discuss it with him and him opening up can change you into a white anorexic girl, so why would he want to?

A sexual fantasy is a sexual fantasy, he doesn’t expect you to be the girl in the porn he watches or does he necessarily want you to be.  Guys like looking at different girls because that’s our nature.  If you were a white anorexic girl he’d be looking at porn of girls that look like you currently.  Just leave it be I don’t think it’s anything to stress over.

maybe she should let him film her and he can watch that?

sparklehorse, you’re not in hk are you?  there’s not the same stigma of having a sex tape in the us like there is there.  anybody catch the 10 second clip of maggie q with edison?

you could always try getting him drunk = D

tenjay - 26 February 2008 10:50 AM

maybe she should let him film her and he can watch that?

sparklehorse, you’re not in hk are you?  there’s not the same stigma of having a sex tape in the us like there is there.  anybody catch the 10 second clip of maggie q with edison?

sorry, but who makes a 10-second sex tape.

1. it’s not a cute feeling being caught with your dick in your hand and wanking at pics of women. especially doesn’t help when your woman is standing behind you, without you knowing, and out of the f-ing blue she goes “so is that what you do at night?”

anyway....... he is playing out his fantasy. it’s just his guilty conscience that prevents him from discussing about his sexual excapades with his online “dream” women. same thing as women who use dildos and fantasize about men of their “dreams” don’t want to be caught with her dildo in hand(or in her hotpot). and i’m sure many women don’t want to discuss it with their husband.

2. you not being his ideal woman in the pics he looks at is just that. a fantasy is something that is beyond our reach. if he is looking at men or something abnormal(kids and other sick shit), then THAT is a time when there is a need to inititiate talks between the two of you. the reason why I mention men is because if he really does desire men, then that WILL affect your relationship.

3. your man is just not as kinky as you. personally, I don’t mind a kinky chick in bed. I understand why you are frustrated that he will not play out his other sexual desires in bed with you but with online women.  now that I find kinda odd. If he has no desire to act out a scene in bed to appease his sexual appetite, then I assume he is not a “I lick, now you lick” type of guy but a guy who is just wants to get his come on. that is assuming he doesn’t even want to just relax on the bed while you do all the work. (i’m sure most men wouldn’t mind that)