Just curious to see if any of you date/have dated someone who shared nearly nothing in common with you and still have a successful relationship. Are lifestyle similarities important to keep a relationship going?
it helps, but as long as you share the same values, take interest in hearing about his/her pursuits, and take time to do the things you enjoy doing together, then you should be ok.
its different when her diet restrictions are health related vs. wanting to be model thin
aznspyter - 30 April 2008 06:57 AM
and dragonx, the reason why I asked is because the girl I’m dating right now is the first girl who has diet restrictions (she’s lactose-intolerant and can’t eat eggs, etc.).
It’s not that bad. We just eat separate dishes? But on a positive note, she’s making me eat healthier, which is nice.
It’s just my experience, but I find that people who grew up with some unavoidable health (allergy etc) or even religious dietary restrictions tend to be more accomodating to other people, maybe they’ve gotten used to it. Like my indian coworkers will just voluntarily bow out of dimsum lunches because they’ve gone before and know there’s very little vegetarian food. That actually makes me want to make the extra effort to include them.
However, it seems like a lot of the “healthy eaters” or vegan-by-philosophy etc. types tend to have more of a sense of entitlement. Not that they’re necessarily bitchy about it, but they’ll remind you that they can’t go to such and such a place, or if you’re inviting them to a bbq, they’ll remind you to make sure you have something for them.
It’s just my experience, but I find that people who grew up with some unavoidable health (allergy etc) or even religious dietary restrictions tend to be more accomodating to other people, maybe they’ve gotten used to it. Like my indian coworkers will just voluntarily bow out of dimsum lunches because they’ve gone before and know there’s very little vegetarian food. That actually makes me want to make the extra effort to include them.
However, it seems like a lot of the “healthy eaters” or vegan-by-philosophy etc. types tend to have more of a sense of entitlement. Not that they’re necessarily bitchy about it, but they’ll remind you that they can’t go to such and such a place, or if you’re inviting them to a bbq, they’ll remind you to make sure you have something for them.
^ I can see how that plays out too. Though I can kind of see both sides. Seems like a psychology thing that works in a lot of situations. People tend to counterreact to what the other person says or does… if you demand something, the other person gets annoyed… but if you deprive yourself of it, the other person wants to include you. Same issue but different communication style.
Just curious to see if any of you date/have dated someone who shared nearly nothing in common with you and still have a successful relationship. Are lifestyle similarities important to keep a relationship going?
We definitely have different personalities and interests. He’s somewhat geekish and enjoys BSG, gaming, and picking up random bits of science trivia from the comfort of his own home while I’m more bookish and into “discovering” little arthouse films and independents restaurants and shops both locally and abroad.
I think the key thing is that we respect each other and make genuine efforts to learn more about each others interests (I’ve had to endure episodes of BSG and he’s been taken to quite a few foreign films he probably wouldn’t have seen otherwise). Besides, I like being with someone who doesn’t just confirm or reinforce my own opinions but can provide a different perspective when it’s needed.
To me, having common interests is secondary to being with someone who shares and embodies the same values. You can work out a system for picking out what movie to watch, what food to cook etc… but when you fundamentally disagree on things such as how to treat family/friends, it can potentially lead to a lifetime of discontent.
i can’t have a real relationship with anyone who has a diet that’s more restricted than mine.
That’s one problem I’m having, but flipped around.
I’m a vegetarian, she’s not. We disagree on places to eat since I have my places and she has hers, many of which aren’t vegetarian friendly menu-wise. A bunch of other things too, I spend 6 days out of the week either surfing/gym time, and she’s not that type either. I’m more of a morning person and like to get outside, she’s just totally opposite. Sucks cause I totally love her personality, but it’s frustrating to not have any common interests.
It’ll stay that way unless she adopts my hobbies. I’m not giving up my lifestyle to sit at home and watch chick flicks or go shopping lol. Definitely not shopping.
have you tried to involve her in some of your activities at a level she’s comfortable with?
my bf was a fairly advanced ballroom dancer when we met but he still attended beginner classes with me. he’s a better runner than I am too but slows down for me when we go running together. i found just the willingness to do things at my level really motivated me to get better so I didn’t feel like I was constantly slowing him down. Or maybe you could take turns alternating between things that she likes and you like… ?
^ I think that’s my problem, I’m not willing to go her speed. I guess I’m not totally over my ex since she was the type that could hang with me somewhat when it came to hikes/surfing, and this girl is like well, on step 1 when it comes to basically anything I do. I guess this one’s not going to work out, I don’t mind making compromises, but this one’s a little too much.
slowing down really isn’t an option for me, I need to train hard 24-7 (cept sundays), im trying to make a push toward qualifying for the ASP. Worked hard up to this point and think I have a realistic shot within the next couple years.
However, it seems like a lot of the “healthy eaters” or vegan-by-philosophy etc. types tend to have more of a sense of entitlement. Not that they’re necessarily bitchy about it, but they’ll remind you that they can’t go to such and such a place, or if you’re inviting them to a bbq, they’ll remind you to make sure you have something for them.
For any longer term interaction, letting people know I’m vegetarian is better than not. People get offended if I just deny outings or food without explanation repeatedly. I’ve had some people think I was trying to starve myself. And people forget, very often—my friends forget, even if they’ve eaten with me dozens and dozens of times.
I don’t request people to go out of their way for anything. But if I know someone well enough, they should try to remember not to buy me whatever I won’t eat. My family knows I’m vegetarian, but they’ve never accommodated me, so I end up eating salad and rice during holidays, unless I bring food (I’m not a vegetarian cook, so I only make vegan lasagna and such). They used to believe I’d eventually lose all my willpower, so they’d always ask , “You’re not vegetarian still, are you?”
I’m in socal, so being vegetarian is not a big deal, otherwise. There’s vegetarian food at literally almost every restaurant. And luckily I don’t have to deal much with antivegetarians—i.e. the macho eaters, health lecturers (protein BS), and guilt trippers ("this steak will go to waste if you don’t eat it"). On the other hand, I’ve never met a militant vegetarian.
You’ve probably not met any militant vegetarians because you’re a vegetarian. I have a friend who is a professional chef and I’ve heard her rant to vegetarians, but I never get it because she knows I eat meat.
I’m sure there are militant vegetarians out there, like the extremist animal rights folks and pushy vegans. Just like I’m sure someone on the National Beef Council will give you shit about your vegetarian ways.
What is a macho eater? Like the people on Atkins? For some odd reason I picture the dudes in eating contests.
