Saturday, March 08, 2008

You want some of this?

By: Bryan Park

I was the epitome of geek in high school. Everyone and anyone picked on me because they knew I wouldn’t fight back verbally or physically. I was a sitting ugly duckling, ready to be shot down at a moments notice. I was a little bitch back then. I never stood up for myself and I never voiced my opinion when I was against something. I just kept quiet in hopes that they’d forget about me for a second. That was my life… until graduation.

Graduation was the turning point in my life. I no longer had to deal with people constantly harassing me for the way I looked, dressed, or acted. This was a new beginning for me. Upon graduation, I was let loose into the real world with a high school diploma, low self-esteem, no confidence, and a shit load of anger, vengeance, animosity, and hate. Instead of using all that negative energy for evil, I concentrated it into a single stream of intense determination. I was NOT going to be bullied again.

Thus began my new life. I started hitting the gym everyday. The first year wasn’t a pretty sight. I never lifted a weight in my life, and I had no idea where to start. Luckily, during high school I learned how to be very observant. It was simple “monkey see, monkey do.” Starting off was brutal. I couldn’t lift anything heavier than a 20lb dumbbell. I almost busted a vein in my forehead and shit my pants trying to bench-press the 45lb bar. I went every day even though I was over training. It didn’t matter to me, I had endless amount of energy fueled by rage.

Now, when I walk the streets and see a former classmate, they’re surprised as to how much I’ve changed. There are no signs of my inferiority complex. I’m outgoing, I don’t give a shit about what others think, I’m strong minded, and I voice my opinion whenever the fuck I want.

I love it when I see past bullies who don’t recognize me at first, then all of a sudden it hits them and they do a double take. By then my knuckles are white, my face tenses up, and adrenaline is pumping furiously through my veins. I can hear my teeth grinding and my eyes glaze over with blood lust. In the back of my mind I visualize my revenge, all the while my eyes are taunting him.

“You want some of this?”

I wait for them to make the first move, but all they can do is look down and avoid confrontation. As I walk past, under my breath I quietly whisper, “That’s right, look down you fat fuck.”

I’ve had my share of one-way crushes. “Diss” was my middle name. Girls were repulsed by my looks. Back then I had a pizza face full of zits, puss filled whiteheads, and mounds of blackheads. Not to mention I was skinny, had braces, and a really bad hair cut (just imagine an Asian “Little Nicky"). I knew heartbreak all too well. Girls never attempted to socialize with me until 2-3 years after graduation. I was finally done with puberty! Hurray! My skin cleared up, I gained a bit of mass, and my confidence was on the rise.

I love it when I see girl who wouldn’t give me the time of day back in high school. At first, they don’t recognize me. We start talking about “back in the day” and then comes the flirting. “Oh please! Fuck off! You want some of this?” I don’t say it straight out, but that’s what I’m thinking. I play along with their pathetic little mind games, just for fun… because I can.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a conceited bastard. I avoid unnecessary confrontation and treat people with the same amount of respect they show me.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but it’s payback time. Are you ready?

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