Thursday, February 28, 2008

Skeletons in the Closet

By: TSO

I suppose this latest T.S.O. adventure started way back in high school. My buddy Garrett was fiending this one girl named Suzanne, who I must say had more T&A than a Scrabble board. I’m talking upper body, lower body, and whatever else is in between. He liked her a lot, and I’m not talkin about the “I wanna spend the rest of my life with you” a lot, but the “I wanna bend that chick over on the hood of my car” a lot. Every day for like three years I listened to this fool talk about stickin this and slappin that, all the time thinkin to myself, “Man, this guy must beat off a lot.” I knew this wack foo would never get a chance at hittin the skins… boy was I wrong…

Christmas break. That time of year when everyone is glappy (glad and happy) and hormones are pulsating. No one likes to be alone during the holidays, so this is when the TSO’s of the world unite and strike as one. Anyways, I was home for Christmas break, enjoying my time away from crap school work and missing out on all them college co-eds in my dorm. My first year away just opened me up to a whole new life of TSO’ing, but that’s another story in itself. I got home and dialed a familiar number to see what kinda shit my homie Garrett’s been up to the last couple of months.

Even though graduation kinda separated us all, we all still kept in touch, and leave it up to that mofo Garrett to keep in touch with Suzanne. So me and him hook up later on that evening to get some food, and that’s when he drops the 411 on me. Seems as though Suzanne kinda sorta missed all that attention Garrett used to give her back in the day, and now she wanted to “hook-up” with him over break to catch up. Now for normal peeps “hook-up” means just that… to get together and go do something, but for us TSO peeps, “hook-up” means hittin some creamy thighs.

“Whatever” I said, not believing him and eating my O.G. lasagna. “You ain’t getting no ass.”

So Garrett went on and on like Doug E. Fresh and told me about the kinda phone conversations they been havin the last couple of weeks. What it basically came down to was sex with words, and I guess Garrett got her so worked up that she couldn’t wait to get some of that lovin when she got home.

“Foo… I still don’t believe you… you ain’t got no game… prove it to me.” I said with a mouth full of bread sticks.

I guess after three years of hearin my taunts, Garrett really had somethin to prove. He asked me what it would take to get me to believe him. Panties, bras, stained sheets… whatever… he said he could come up the proof. I thought about it for a little while, smiled quirkily, swallowed my pasta, and with a devilish grin replied “Let me watch.”

It was about 1am when the action was about to go down. I was up in Garrett’s brother’s room kickin his arse at Super Mario Kart when I heard his car pull up. Right then and there… I knew shit was on. Kevin knew what was up too after my blabbing and tellin him why I was over when Garrett wasn’t home. Not like I care… I was about to watch a live porno! Kevin actually wanted to peep the action too, but I knew fool would make too much noise touching himself, so I told him that watching someone screw is a privledge, and not a right. Besides, this job operated on the pretense of silence, so the less peoples the better.

I ran into Garrett’s room, leaving Koopa Troopa behind, and found a lil comfortable spot in his closet to chill on. Luckily my boy had one of them closets that are designed like blinds, so you can see out and no one can see in. The only other option was to kick it in the backyard and peep everything through an open window, but temps is cold outside and I ain’t gonna go out like that. So I sat there comfortably next to a basket of dirty underwear, and waited like a spectator for the action to begin. Man… I wish I brought a video camera with me…

In just a few minutes, I heard the door creak open and they both came in. They had only gone to the movies but she must’ve known what was gonna be up cuz she was wearin one o’ dem easy-access outfits… overalls with a half-shirt. Now anyone who is anyone knows that the only reason girls wear overalls, is so the guy can slip his hand in the “Forbidden Jungle” with a minimal of effort.

It only took my homie five minutes to get this party started. It wasn’t exactly done in my style, but I guess everyone’s got their own moves. There was a little bit of talk, a little bit of kissing, and then a whole bunch of flesh. I gots to admit, that girl was a freak! She was so into it, I felt like I was getting some behind them wooden closet doors. Needless to say, I was feelin a little bit tingly with all this scent of sex in the air. To make matters worse, Garrett knew where I was so every now and then fool would drop me that smirk or nod just to let me know that he was hittin skins while I was sittin in the dark. Daymn… is that jacked up or what?

Anyways, when all was said and done, I got to view some cool shit. He bust his nut, she did her thing, and then they just chilled for a bit. By this time, I was like… daymn it… go take her home so I can get outta this closet and make a booty call. Fifteen torturous minutes I had to wait in that stanky closet before they put on their clothes and decided to get going.

Finally, they left the room. But I chilled for a little bit more, just in case she left something behind and had to come back in. When I heard Garrett start his car though, I got outta there and went back to Kevin’s room, eager to share my story and kick some more butt on Mario Kart. You should’ve seen the smile on my face as we started the next race…

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