Thursday, June 19, 2008

It’s All About Stamina

By: Sharon Yee

Have you noticed lately that your man has not been at his “sexual peak?” Frustrated and almost embarrassed for him because he just doesn’t have the stamina to keep up with you? Tired of faking your orgasms and fluffing his ego because you don’t want to hurt his feelings? Believe it or not, you are not alone nor are you doomed to sexual boredom. But as a woman, your needs and desires should be satisfied too! Stop faking those moans and groans and do something about it!

For thousands of years, medieval people have prepared various antidotes from exotic plants and animals to boost the male sex drive. It doesn’t matter whether or not some of these aphrodisiacs have any nutritional value at all, people will still go to great lengths to obtain these wonder remedies to boost their wilting sex organ. Of course, some of these items are pretty gross, but who cares, us women don’t have to eat it!

Here are just a few (new and ancient) remedies to spice up your sex life. But let me warn you, some of these “wonder” recipes are not for the weak at heart, nor are they your typical grocery store items.

Two raw eggs & a shot of Kahlua
If taken a few hours before sex, it can give your man the extra protein and strength he needs, provided he doesn’t die of salmonella poisoning.

Ginseng
This is one of the best and easily attainable sources for rejuvenating your body. In a 10-quart pot of boiling water, add ten to fifteen ginseng roots and boil for at least 5 hours before drinking and eating the ginseng. The longer you boil it, the more potent the liquid. If your man is really weak, use wild ginseng (approximately $150 for about 20 small roots) instead since it is more potent. Believe me girls, it works!

Ambergris (Intestinal concretions of the sperm whale)
In some experiments, it has shown that the main substance ambrein, caused male rats to go into a sexual frenzy. Ambergris is quite expensive, but apparently can be found floating on the ocean’s surface. So for all you cheap bastards out there, try to go bobbing for it while you’re out swimming. You might get lucky.

Dog /Crow/Centipede
For all you dog lovers out there, here’s one especially for you (credits out to my Daniel Oppa). In some Asian countries, dog is considered a very nutritious and potent delicacy. In Korea, bo shin tang is a dog soup that is supposed to make a man out of a boy. One Korean belief is that if you cook a dog that has eaten a crow, and that crow has eaten a centipede, it would give the eater of it superhuman sexual strength. Only three words can describe the effects… OH MY GOD!

Yohimbine
The bark of the African Yohimbe tree is ground up and used to cure impotence. You can buy this bark at any nutritional store as a pill. A very close source of mine has told me that it gives the man a feeling of heat and extreme sensitivity all over their body. Just don’t double the recommended dosage, like someone I know, who said it was like “a sweating pig bathing in hot lava.” That’s what happens when you men get hella desperate.

Royal Jelly
Royal Jelly is the milk of nursing bees, and is also the main source of food for the queen bee. It is nutrient and hormone rich, which explains why the queen bee is almost twice as big and strong compared to the other bees. The queen bee also has the ability to lay up to 2000 eggs a day. Royal Jelly can be found at many Asian stores in small viles for daily consumption. But beware people! Make sure you’ve tested yourself for allergic reactions before your night of ecstasy. Low tolerance or OD’ing on it could lead to some hella nasty hives. Remember, you want to work your woman like a busy bee, not look like you got attacked by one.

Snake
Snake is very common edible in Asian countries. From snake soup to stir-fried snake, these hearty dishes have been used to cure many ailments, including the most important one… sex. One concoction is to mix fresh snake blood (the more poisonous the better) with hard liquor. In some countries, people go as far as to drink the blood directly from a live snake. I don’t know about you, but I just get sick from sucking on my own blood when I get a paper cut.

Rhino Horn & Penis
Rhino, especially the black rhino, has long been sought after to increase sexual stamina. Black rhinos mate for 2 to 3 days for up to 30 minutes at a time, which is the main reason for its popularity. Because its horn and penis are considered highly effective, poachers have hunted it down to extinction. The horns are crushed to powder or sliced and the penis is cooked in soup. Rhino penis pot pie, sweet and sour penis, stir-fry rhino with black bean sauce… the possibilities are endless people.

Dried Lizard
This is said to give a man a Godzilla-sized sex drive. Sold in Chinese herbal stores for around $20-$30 (at least they still were a few years ago), they are dried, flattened, and attached to a wooden stick for easy handling. Mainly, these lizards are combined with special herbs and cooked in soup for at least 4 hours. Not only does it stink up your house, but it also tastes really bad. All this for sex? HELL YEAH!

Tiger… any part of it
Because of its magnificent strength and agility, the tiger’s whole anatomy is considered by many as the cure for all types of sexually deficient males. From the tiger’s nail, to its whiskers, to the all-mighty penis, the tiger has been sought out by all societies. Since tigers are an endangered species and getting a hold of any part is highly unlikely, pursue another option. Instead of tiger nails, try cutting the nails off your neighbor’s horny little cat or snipping it’s whiskers off for soup. Hate those damn cats.

I could go on with more of these bizarre aphrodisiacs but I’ll stop right here so you can do your own research. And if you have tried these items before, please let us know if these things really work (our research team would love to validate these claims!). Of course, I’m not promoting dog killing or blood sucking, although most other societies outside of the US find these acts very common. There are definitely other non-harmful products out there to choose from. For example, pine nuts, shiitake mushrooms, raw oysters, and ginger are all considered great sexual enhancers.

And always remember that all of our bodies are built differently, so reactions to these aphrodisiacs will differ too. One man’s raw oysters, is another man’s chicken feet. Bon appetite!

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