Monday, June 23, 2008

Lies Lies and More Lies

By Jennifer Lam

Behind a computer screen, anyone can be anyone.

I have heard many stories about how people have met off the Internet and became good friends or even lovers. There are always two sides to a story however, and mine is a tale about the bad side.

When I first started to chat, I always reminded myself that people on the Internet are not who they really are in real life. But along the way, that concept slowly began to fade and I forgot about it. I let my guard down, and I met this particular man two years ago. I liked chatting with him, and I began to trust and believe in him. I considered him a friend and I told him things I would tell any close friend of mine, but he would never really reveal much of himself to me. I questioned him about that one day, and he told me he wanted to remain mysterious. I thought nothing much of it, until a year ago when I finally asked him for his picture and he would not give me one.

You’d think, after a year of chatting and getting to know a person, that they’d trust you enough to give you a picture, but I guess not. It was not until recently that he finally gave in to all my nagging, or so he claims, to give me his picture. I now felt content because this truly confirmed that he thought of me as the friend I had always sought in him.

However, I now find myself beginning to re-examine this so-called “friendship.” I am now finding out things about his character that I never thought I would, and now I have serious doubts about everything to do with him. I thought I knew him well, but I guess the joke’s on me because honestly, I know nothing about him. The person I once knew has seemed to be replaced by another person, a person I hardly know and admire. I feel betrayed and crushed to lose such a friend.

This so-called mystery he once wanted has all waned out and turned into deceit. All of this hit me so suddenly that I really do not know how to respond to it. After tossing and turning about it for the past few nights, I realize now that he was never honest with me to begin with. He always seemed to have some kind of hidden agenda because the things he did tell me, I now see them as things he wanted me to see. The man I once thought I knew well is now a mythical figure that he conjured up and pretended to be.

Perhaps deep down, I knew about his mind games but never truly wanted to believe it up until now. I dreamt that if I could only tap deeper into the real him, I would find the friend I thought he would turn out to be. I now do not expect any miracles because he will never change for anyone, for he has proved to be nothing but a fraud. He never trusted me as I would with him. To him, I am probably just someone off in another country who could never reveal the truth of his real character. I have re-learnt a very valuable lesson I lost along the way… trust no one but yourself, because those who you do trust may someday turn around and disappoint you.

I recall a Chinese saying that can sum up this article in a few words… “If you can pick it, you are strong enough to put it down and walk away.” With all that told, he can take his mystery and shove it up his ass. I am tired of his mind games and could care less about finding the real him. I do not need him or his so-called pathetic friendship. I shed no tears for this loss because he does not deserve it. Good riddance to bad rubbish! I have encountered many other people off the Internet who have proven themselves to me time and time again. They have treated me more of a real friend than he had ever truly treated me, for they have truly touched my heart and I thank you all for being so honest with me.

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